Leaving Chandijarh Part 3

I woke Thursday morning with the same suffocating fear that I went to bed with. According to my logical mind, my immediate future has never ever been so absolutely undefined. It’s just before 6:00 and I put off my mediation for the train. It’s my story that “I’m tired, as if I got no sleep at all.” I notice that I’m sticking to that “story” too. Anu, knocked at 6:30. I opened the door and Busanti was right behind her with “Chai, Ma’am.?” My hair was still wet from the cold shower, but I was clean for my journey.

Anu hovered, as if wanting a most coveted table in a fine restaurant, which I happen to occupy. This brings on even more anxiety. I wish she would leave me to my tasks but she must believe that her anxious presence will hurry me along. Puneet thinks I have to be at the airport for a flight. Not sure how he got that impression since Anu was aware of her employee printing out two train tickets for me. Nonetheless my hosts seem very eager for me to leave. Anu presents me with two tiny brass statues that were gifted to her by a dear friend and represent the Ying and Yang. She hopes they will give me peace on my journey. She says, “Feel free to pass them on to another for peace on their journey.” I accept them with an open heart and again feel so connected to her. I have experienced this open door to her heart only a few times and when I do it feels as though I’m held in the hands of the universe, warm and safe. But this door can close quickly without warning, and I’m afraid to linger for getting bloodied by the abrupt slam of the door.

Everyone is trying to take my still-open-luggage out to a waiting car. I’m pressured; glad I’m awake from my cold shower, which after telling my mother this story she voiced, “They could have turned off the hot to get you out quicker.” Finally with wet hair covered by a favorite cap, I climbed in the backseat of the car.

I took my middle seat for the four-hour journey to New Delhi. Sandeep, a professionally-dressed Hindu sits in the window seat to my right. He’s the Security Director for the Bank of India in Chandijarh and once we get talking about Varanasi, he took out his cell phone, texted my sister that “all is well” and then called his counter part in Varanasi to assist me in finding good accommodations and to “ensure that his new American friend has pleasant stay in Varanasi.” His colleague agrees without hesitation. It was as if his agreement was turning the knob on my heart rate to ‘LOW’. I say to myself in semi-prayer, “This is God, God is everywhere, God is everywhere I am. I am in complete care and safety with God.”

I open my spiral notebook that I use to record names of places I visit, delightful native foods I eat, as well as places I intend to visit; and the hard-to-remember names of those I meet, but for now it becomes my journal. Inspired my the reassurance that all is well by the kind soul to my right, I write this:

"Pushed out of the nest like a duckling whose mother knows it’s time for her youngster to fly. I only know where I’ll be for the next 48 hours, after that I have only my conviction that God walks with me. Trust will be my bed and faith my shower, and that tells me that God will make certain that my sleep is peaceful and my shower is warm. I am the tiger and the Universe my trainer. So many times I’ve asked my clients to jump through the ring of flames knowing that all will be fine, but until this moment I wasn’t sure what I was asking them to do. What I know now with certainty, is that a pedestal has been placed there for those living their dreams, yet many times we are distracted by the apparent danger of the flames. The Universe is a kind and loving trainer with a sharp prod to encourage us to jump. I am honored that it has faith in me that not only can I jump through those flames once, but many times over again."

The train is pulling into the New Delhi Train Station.