Day 2: Road to India - Bronx, NY, USA - Part 3

November 14, 2009

It didn’t much begin considering the time that Day 2 “ended”. It was 12:30 am (EST) when I was still on one of many Skype calls with my sister and mom. Mummy with her maternal Blair Witch in the camera sweetly saying, “Go the bed, you must get your rest!”. I hung up with mum believing I was off to sleep, but I had the video bug. I had such a wonderful day and evening that I thought surely my vicarious travel-mates would enjoy the wonders I experienced. So there I was speeding down the technological learning curve and my geek-car was handling “like it was on rails.” I was slicing and dicing my NYC video clips like a true IT chef, as I matched my evening with “I got a feeling” by the Black Peas. I was sharing my evening and it was pure joy!

I was so excited for those loved ones who have shared NYC experiences with me to see the video. As I watched the end of the video when Mr. Yellow M&M knocks on the screen, I wanted to tell him, “yes, I’m here enjoying the moment like no other.”

Wow, I was away from home and feeling such joy, how could this be? Less than three years ago home was where I hung my many hats, but now that I have a deeper and more abiding love for my family home is now wherever they are and that could be in Timbuktu and it would still be home for me. I have always ‘loved’ my family, that come with the chromosomes, yet the love I have for them now is so expansive that when totally present to it I begin to well-up and “my eyes sweat”. This love is too big for my body and it escapes like a sweet perspiration that those with similar emotional bonds instinctively know they got a whiff of that precious home that lives deep within their souls.

Friday, Chuck stayed back to allow Yvonne and mom to be alone with me as I departed, I assume this is the case, but I’m even grateful for the assumption that it could be so. When it was time to say “good bye” we walked toward each other, and as he approached me I said, “there’s only one thing I want…” and before I could say that I wanted a two-armed hug, I was already in them both! This meant so very much to me and I welled up and made a quick move to dawn my sunglasses so not to make him uncomfortable by my tears. I love every member of my family equally, yet the way I express it is unique to each member.

The next noise I heard was the familiar and comforting sound of keys unlocking the door (my “roommate” Carrie, is home!). This is one of my favorite sounds lately since I had been living with others over the past two months. I’ve been surprised by my many new favorite tastes, both literal and figuratively, lately.

I was glad the Star, a name I’ve taken to calling her since I know her aspirations, was home and I was excited to show her cameo appearance in my first completed YouTube video. She laughed in her usual joyful way that includes an innocent shyness with head going back and hands coming forth as if trying to regulates how much escapes her reservoir of happiness. This can make you forget that there’s a bold black woman there that makes her appearance especially when giving a New York taxi driver explicit direction to her Bronx flat, “You were suppose to turn right there and that’ll be coming out of your tip!” I wonder if someone told her not to be “so loud and expressive” when she laughs? If so, they did her and all of us a disservice!

We watched the video and chatted about the day and evening, work and play, dreams and fears until after 2 am. I was so split; should I roll with the fun or obey my mother and go to be. I laid down and stared wildly at the ceiling. I shifted from one side to the other, but my body said, “You’ve past the threshold Lady, better think of something else.” So I did. I remembered the Tylenol PM mom gave me in the convenient hard-to-open packet. I took only one, boiled water for some Vata tea Sue gave me, and reached for the book, ‘Becoming Human’ Shannon gave me and read the first chapter on “Being Simple” and there it was! I forgot that I’m ‘processing’ the latest detachments from earlier that evening. After a magical and almost weightless experience in the glistening lights of Time Square I return ‘home’ and became heavy again. I knew it was time to go into the dark caves of my psyche, which needs to hold on to things to sustain its existence, and purge yet again. I opened the wings of my Osprey backpack and pulled out all they held. Knowing that I chosen to have only ONE bag. That meant that two had to go. I began by making two piles, what I needed, and what I could live without. I dug deep and pulled open three small space bags. Each one took a deep inhale as if holding its breathe and I did the same and rescued the wrinkled clothes as I heard mom’s inquiry, “You really need that many tops?” as I split them between the two piles.

In my defense, I have no idea how to live this new existence, as I ignored mum’s warnings and shoved them tightly into my bag the night before I left. It took me to haul all this to NYC to come to realize that all I clung to was helping me cling to the past or better yet, what I knew of life up until to now. I could just hear my ego crying out, “ If you don’t have that Ado(red) tank top how will people know that you’re one of those ‘socially conscious individual’ who pays $29 for a cotton tank to show you care?” As the discard pile got taller I realized that I was purging what made me who I was to the external world and I felt my own wings expand revealing more of who I am internally. I thought I was as liberated as I could be, yet now I know I can go deeper, bringing light to those dark corners of my mind while opening my soul!

I realize I’ve been listening to “Psalm 23” over and over again as I journal, not just this time but while I’ve written every entry since I started my “road to India” journaling. I don’t feel like I’m walking through the ‘valley of the shadow of death’ but some darkness, yes, certainly. I am comforted by the fact that I am “God’s forever.”


Another quote from my journal:
“I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine.” – Caskie Stinnett