Why do I get Upset?

Upsets occur when we are not in the present moment and become hooked by what we may think is an outside circumstance. Circumstance that we “think” we had nothing to do with creating. Please think again! Once we accept that we have created every circumstance, experience, or situation we can find a way to be effective in an upset. Here lies the problem, because if we don’t believe we are the creator of our lives we have rendered ourselves powerless during upsets.

During an upset we find it difficult to remember and even to understand what caused the upset.

The following are some tools to use to minimize or overcome upsets:

1. Upsets persist because they are generalized. Being specific about an upset will more it toward a resolution. What specifically upsets you?

2. What is the upset about? Is it a thwarted objective, an undelivered communication, or an unfulfilled expectation? Which of these three elements is dominant?

3. What happened EXACTLY?

4. Upsets occur at a specific location. Where did it occur?

5. Upsets occur with a specific person or group of persons or a specific thing. Who or what is the upset with?

6. Who or what “seems” to be causing the upset?

Consider the possibility that you are upset about something in the past and not with the current circumstances. The current circumstances simply remind you of the past. Ask yourself, “What past event am I bringing into the present moment?” and “How does this upset connect with an earlier upset?”

When you can get to the actual ‘who’, ‘when’, ‘where’, and ‘what specifically happened’ of the upset, then they can exist as facts, not as interpretations and conclusions you have added to the upset. You will then find yourself released from the hook and can function effectively with the stimulus that hooked you in the beginning.

Humans have been getting upset since time began and will continue to get upset for the rest of our days. No matter how enlightened you are you will continue to get upset.

If you are thinking that upsets are negative, please reconsider. As you learn about them, and yourself, you might see them as a useful tool as you navigate your way through the rest of your life. If you harness the way you deal with upsets you can function more effectively with life.

An upset will contain all three of the following elements to some degree, but one of them will always be paramount.

A Thwarted Objective: As you set out to make something happen and you experience something ‘external’ stopping you. Something you believe you have no responsibility or control over it stopping you from fulfilling your objective. When an objective is thwarted, it often occurs that the very center of our being; our very identity is being brought into question. We also have the opinion that what is stopping us ‘shouldn’t be’. This perception then reduces our options and our creative nature to deal with the situation.

An Undelivered Communication: An undelivered communication is when you have something that is ‘actively being withheld.’ There’s a filter created when there is something to say and you are not saying it. Most everything you hear after that is heard through this filter. Life begins to be filtered through what you are feeling and thinking, but not saying. It’s like a trap waiting to be sprung. When something happens or is said that trips over what you’re intentional not saying, the trap is sprung. Also, the thing that you’re not saying is often the loudest point in the conversation. At times anything that is said reminds you of what isn’t being said and adds to your upset.

Unfulfilled Expectation: An upset is an unfulfilled expectation. An expectation is looking forward to something happening; something that you think you are due, something that is ‘proper’ or ‘necessary’. It’s not, “It sure would be nice if…” It’s, “I have the ‘right’ and it needs to happen.” An expectation is always a potential upset. This fact is probably the most important aspect to understand.