I hear many people speak of courage, especially in the context of those serving in our nation’s armed forces. It might seem that the first consideration given to those who are courageous are those who are armed and are forcing the will of a person or nation on to another. Many might think that courage is facing death. I want you to consider courage it takes to face ones life--your life!
Many of people are waiting for life to be a certain way before they volunteer, adopt a child, write a book, or simply go on vacation. It seems to me that waiting for life to change or arrange itself before you take action on a dream, especially something you’ve been dreaming of doing for a long time, could be risky, the kind of risky that contains very little courage.
One of my clients, ‘Margaret’ grew up with a very strong desire to be an artist. Her father considered her goal frivolous and would not approve of her attending a nearby art college. He considered that the career of an artist was not a real profession and wouldn’t support her financially. For many years she held professional positions that her father, who past away in the early 80’s, valued and respected. She has been quietly waiting for life to arrange itself so that she could live out her dream. So quietly in fact, that her daughters didn’t learn about their mother’s desire to be an artist until 2006.
‘Margaret’s’ life never did arrange itself to support her dream. She got tired of waiting for life to get organized and hired me to coach her as she organized it herself. She started formal art classes at the age of 69 and today she’s a very talented artist that has sold several paintings, commissioned more than once, and has had one public show. ‘Margaret’ is courageously facing life by taking action on a dream she’s held for six decades.
I would be lying if I told you that ‘Margaret’ doesn’t have challenges to overcome in her life as an artist, yet her challenges reside only in her head. Fearful stories and visions of rejection and failure are first conjured up in the mind and a simple solution is to take action regardless of the fear. Courage lives in the action!
Courage is in facing your life, not death!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Why do I get Upset?
Upsets occur when we are not in the present moment and become hooked by what we may think is an outside circumstance. Circumstance that we “think” we had nothing to do with creating. Please think again! Once we accept that we have created every circumstance, experience, or situation we can find a way to be effective in an upset. Here lies the problem, because if we don’t believe we are the creator of our lives we have rendered ourselves powerless during upsets.
During an upset we find it difficult to remember and even to understand what caused the upset.
The following are some tools to use to minimize or overcome upsets:
1. Upsets persist because they are generalized. Being specific about an upset will more it toward a resolution. What specifically upsets you?
2. What is the upset about? Is it a thwarted objective, an undelivered communication, or an unfulfilled expectation? Which of these three elements is dominant?
3. What happened EXACTLY?
4. Upsets occur at a specific location. Where did it occur?
5. Upsets occur with a specific person or group of persons or a specific thing. Who or what is the upset with?
6. Who or what “seems” to be causing the upset?
Consider the possibility that you are upset about something in the past and not with the current circumstances. The current circumstances simply remind you of the past. Ask yourself, “What past event am I bringing into the present moment?” and “How does this upset connect with an earlier upset?”
When you can get to the actual ‘who’, ‘when’, ‘where’, and ‘what specifically happened’ of the upset, then they can exist as facts, not as interpretations and conclusions you have added to the upset. You will then find yourself released from the hook and can function effectively with the stimulus that hooked you in the beginning.
Humans have been getting upset since time began and will continue to get upset for the rest of our days. No matter how enlightened you are you will continue to get upset.
If you are thinking that upsets are negative, please reconsider. As you learn about them, and yourself, you might see them as a useful tool as you navigate your way through the rest of your life. If you harness the way you deal with upsets you can function more effectively with life.
An upset will contain all three of the following elements to some degree, but one of them will always be paramount.
A Thwarted Objective: As you set out to make something happen and you experience something ‘external’ stopping you. Something you believe you have no responsibility or control over it stopping you from fulfilling your objective. When an objective is thwarted, it often occurs that the very center of our being; our very identity is being brought into question. We also have the opinion that what is stopping us ‘shouldn’t be’. This perception then reduces our options and our creative nature to deal with the situation.
An Undelivered Communication: An undelivered communication is when you have something that is ‘actively being withheld.’ There’s a filter created when there is something to say and you are not saying it. Most everything you hear after that is heard through this filter. Life begins to be filtered through what you are feeling and thinking, but not saying. It’s like a trap waiting to be sprung. When something happens or is said that trips over what you’re intentional not saying, the trap is sprung. Also, the thing that you’re not saying is often the loudest point in the conversation. At times anything that is said reminds you of what isn’t being said and adds to your upset.
Unfulfilled Expectation: An upset is an unfulfilled expectation. An expectation is looking forward to something happening; something that you think you are due, something that is ‘proper’ or ‘necessary’. It’s not, “It sure would be nice if…” It’s, “I have the ‘right’ and it needs to happen.” An expectation is always a potential upset. This fact is probably the most important aspect to understand.
During an upset we find it difficult to remember and even to understand what caused the upset.
The following are some tools to use to minimize or overcome upsets:
1. Upsets persist because they are generalized. Being specific about an upset will more it toward a resolution. What specifically upsets you?
2. What is the upset about? Is it a thwarted objective, an undelivered communication, or an unfulfilled expectation? Which of these three elements is dominant?
3. What happened EXACTLY?
4. Upsets occur at a specific location. Where did it occur?
5. Upsets occur with a specific person or group of persons or a specific thing. Who or what is the upset with?
6. Who or what “seems” to be causing the upset?
Consider the possibility that you are upset about something in the past and not with the current circumstances. The current circumstances simply remind you of the past. Ask yourself, “What past event am I bringing into the present moment?” and “How does this upset connect with an earlier upset?”
When you can get to the actual ‘who’, ‘when’, ‘where’, and ‘what specifically happened’ of the upset, then they can exist as facts, not as interpretations and conclusions you have added to the upset. You will then find yourself released from the hook and can function effectively with the stimulus that hooked you in the beginning.
Humans have been getting upset since time began and will continue to get upset for the rest of our days. No matter how enlightened you are you will continue to get upset.
If you are thinking that upsets are negative, please reconsider. As you learn about them, and yourself, you might see them as a useful tool as you navigate your way through the rest of your life. If you harness the way you deal with upsets you can function more effectively with life.
An upset will contain all three of the following elements to some degree, but one of them will always be paramount.
A Thwarted Objective: As you set out to make something happen and you experience something ‘external’ stopping you. Something you believe you have no responsibility or control over it stopping you from fulfilling your objective. When an objective is thwarted, it often occurs that the very center of our being; our very identity is being brought into question. We also have the opinion that what is stopping us ‘shouldn’t be’. This perception then reduces our options and our creative nature to deal with the situation.
An Undelivered Communication: An undelivered communication is when you have something that is ‘actively being withheld.’ There’s a filter created when there is something to say and you are not saying it. Most everything you hear after that is heard through this filter. Life begins to be filtered through what you are feeling and thinking, but not saying. It’s like a trap waiting to be sprung. When something happens or is said that trips over what you’re intentional not saying, the trap is sprung. Also, the thing that you’re not saying is often the loudest point in the conversation. At times anything that is said reminds you of what isn’t being said and adds to your upset.
Unfulfilled Expectation: An upset is an unfulfilled expectation. An expectation is looking forward to something happening; something that you think you are due, something that is ‘proper’ or ‘necessary’. It’s not, “It sure would be nice if…” It’s, “I have the ‘right’ and it needs to happen.” An expectation is always a potential upset. This fact is probably the most important aspect to understand.
Clarity Achieved, Success Gained
Many departments within an organization, regardless of size, are often working in a bubble, which is only beneficial when the individuals in the departments not only recognize, but also operate, as part of the same soap.
A common frustration that my executive coaching clients have with their organizations is that the right hand isn’t clear on what the left hand is responsible for. Yet many tasks, processes and workflow require both hands to not only work together, but also work with synchronicity or in tandem to deliver a quality service or product on time that generates a profit.
What’s typically missing is a simple solution, yet one that’s not so easily achieved when left up to middle management to carry out. What is it? Clarity! Many leaders of organizations assume that each of their team members, like those on a winning basketball team, know what to do to win on the corporate court. And they’re right. They do know what to do, once the project finds its way into their bubble, yet they are frequently unaware of how their actions impact the organization at large. The benefits of achieving clarity among all departments can be limitless. When clarity is achieved by all who touch the products – and that’s pretty much everyone in your organization because “no man is an island” – retention is increased on many levels, which can be seen in increased employee and customer loyalty. Clarity produces the experience of synergy, confidence and continuity among the members of your organization, which translates into a measurable asset when members come in contact with potential customers.
Clarity is a journey of discovery that requires a skilled professional who understands the wonderful nuances of human behavior. When asking two senior level managers to get together for the purpose of discussing the responsibilities of their respective departments, it’s important to consider that some managers return home to argue with their spouse about whose turn is it to empty the dishwasher. One must also consider the climate when asking people to reveal their process in today’s economy where nationwide cutbacks and layoffs are common occurrences creating a need to ensure one’s job-security. It is possible to have clarity among and within all departments in such a way that it occurs to the members that they achieved it on their own. Company-wide clarity will greatly assist organizations to maintain stability in what’s being reported as an unstable economy.
Retaining a skilled and experienced consultant can take the pressure off the executives to cause behavioral changes, a skill that they may lack. Also, it addresses the fact that “no man or woman is a prophet in their own town [organization]. “I’ve coached several senior-level managers who have been made responsible for fulfilling personal behavior-change mandates while holding a degree in business systems. These types of directives require skills in developing people in such a way that they relinquish old stories that are disempowering and impede lasting change.
Clarity is essential to organizations considering wide-spread change in operations because if departments aren’t working fluidly with each other now, how can you expect them to comprehend the need for change. Clarity, understanding and buy-in are synergistic and with these elements you’ll keep your team taking and creating profound results and lasting internal harmony.
A common frustration that my executive coaching clients have with their organizations is that the right hand isn’t clear on what the left hand is responsible for. Yet many tasks, processes and workflow require both hands to not only work together, but also work with synchronicity or in tandem to deliver a quality service or product on time that generates a profit.
What’s typically missing is a simple solution, yet one that’s not so easily achieved when left up to middle management to carry out. What is it? Clarity! Many leaders of organizations assume that each of their team members, like those on a winning basketball team, know what to do to win on the corporate court. And they’re right. They do know what to do, once the project finds its way into their bubble, yet they are frequently unaware of how their actions impact the organization at large. The benefits of achieving clarity among all departments can be limitless. When clarity is achieved by all who touch the products – and that’s pretty much everyone in your organization because “no man is an island” – retention is increased on many levels, which can be seen in increased employee and customer loyalty. Clarity produces the experience of synergy, confidence and continuity among the members of your organization, which translates into a measurable asset when members come in contact with potential customers.
Clarity is a journey of discovery that requires a skilled professional who understands the wonderful nuances of human behavior. When asking two senior level managers to get together for the purpose of discussing the responsibilities of their respective departments, it’s important to consider that some managers return home to argue with their spouse about whose turn is it to empty the dishwasher. One must also consider the climate when asking people to reveal their process in today’s economy where nationwide cutbacks and layoffs are common occurrences creating a need to ensure one’s job-security. It is possible to have clarity among and within all departments in such a way that it occurs to the members that they achieved it on their own. Company-wide clarity will greatly assist organizations to maintain stability in what’s being reported as an unstable economy.
Retaining a skilled and experienced consultant can take the pressure off the executives to cause behavioral changes, a skill that they may lack. Also, it addresses the fact that “no man or woman is a prophet in their own town [organization]. “I’ve coached several senior-level managers who have been made responsible for fulfilling personal behavior-change mandates while holding a degree in business systems. These types of directives require skills in developing people in such a way that they relinquish old stories that are disempowering and impede lasting change.
Clarity is essential to organizations considering wide-spread change in operations because if departments aren’t working fluidly with each other now, how can you expect them to comprehend the need for change. Clarity, understanding and buy-in are synergistic and with these elements you’ll keep your team taking and creating profound results and lasting internal harmony.
Conscious Partners Program
When I began to develop the Conscious Partners coaching program I had one married couple in my mind. These two people have asked that I hold them powerfully to account for the intentions and goals they set for themselves INDIVIDUALLY within their INDIVIDUAL coaching programs. These two passionate people know the return on investment of having a coach to guide them into the life they have visualized. They both come to each session energized, engaged and anticipating a breakthrough that will cause them to live each day more extraordinary than the last.
With that said, the focus has been on their individual goal achievement yet they are partners who want to live powerfully together with their two children. They also want to leave their children with the legacy of “You can achieve anything if you’re willing to take consistent and persistent physical actions to do so, and it’s critical to take those actions when they feel least like taking them.” I dedicate the Conscious Partners coaching program to David and Laura.
I get a great deal of insight from nature and inspirational films, or as my friend Shana Rassner calls them, “Transformational Movies.” As I began to create Conscious Partners; a coaching program for clients to achieve their individual goals and their partnership goals simultaneously, I remembered the commitment displayed in the film The March of the Penguins. The movie is an inspirational account of innate determination and devotion found in the natural world. The brief, yet deeply committed partnership of the Emperor Penguins is one to be marveled and emulated.
There are so many metaphors in the plight of the Emperor Penguin that can help us strengthen our human partnerships. I’ll take you through some of the prominent metaphors as well as draw out a few subtle messages we could use to empower ourselves.
The Emperor Penguin chick that has no concept of what his parents went through so that s/he would have life. The chick is about nine months old when it first goes into the ocean where it spends its days until it reaches its fifth year. At that point a natural instinct calls them to get out of the water and march.
The young Emperor Penguin will walk approximately 60 miles to return to the artic breeding ground where it was born to find a mate. Once they have chosen their mate they enter into a committed partnership that will have them to balance their small egg on their feet for weeks while standing in 100-mile per hour winds in temperatures as low as 180-degrees below zero. They will overcome starvation and undertake long treks back and forth to the ocean to feed. (In caparison, don’t you find it interesting that some partners will complain about going to store late at night to get an ingredient needed for the morning meal.) The natural instinct to demonstrate even this level of commitment is in each one of us, yet through the evolution of our culture we have somehow forgotten what we are truly capable of. Fear is another emotion that we allow to get in our way to powerfully engage in the deepest concept of commitment.
After several weeks the egg hatches and reveals a glorious reward for the devotion and dedication displayed by the parents. As a partner your reward might not be a newborn child or proudly watching your child graduate from college with the powerful attributes you gave them to ensure their success in life. Your offspring might be a successful business, achieving for a higher level of success in your career, writing a book, or maybe it’s purchasing your first home or your dream home. Your reward might be to achieve financial freedom by becoming debt-free. In any case, there is a glorious reward for the devotion and dedication you displayed.
This program is for those of you who want to fully commit to your partnership. The Conscious Partners coaching program is available to all types of partnerships whether married or romantic, business partnerships or executives and their assistants. Being on the same page of the same book while working toward the fulfillment of any goal is imperative to the success of any partnership no matter the composition.
With that said, the focus has been on their individual goal achievement yet they are partners who want to live powerfully together with their two children. They also want to leave their children with the legacy of “You can achieve anything if you’re willing to take consistent and persistent physical actions to do so, and it’s critical to take those actions when they feel least like taking them.” I dedicate the Conscious Partners coaching program to David and Laura.
I get a great deal of insight from nature and inspirational films, or as my friend Shana Rassner calls them, “Transformational Movies.” As I began to create Conscious Partners; a coaching program for clients to achieve their individual goals and their partnership goals simultaneously, I remembered the commitment displayed in the film The March of the Penguins. The movie is an inspirational account of innate determination and devotion found in the natural world. The brief, yet deeply committed partnership of the Emperor Penguins is one to be marveled and emulated.
There are so many metaphors in the plight of the Emperor Penguin that can help us strengthen our human partnerships. I’ll take you through some of the prominent metaphors as well as draw out a few subtle messages we could use to empower ourselves.
The Emperor Penguin chick that has no concept of what his parents went through so that s/he would have life. The chick is about nine months old when it first goes into the ocean where it spends its days until it reaches its fifth year. At that point a natural instinct calls them to get out of the water and march.
The young Emperor Penguin will walk approximately 60 miles to return to the artic breeding ground where it was born to find a mate. Once they have chosen their mate they enter into a committed partnership that will have them to balance their small egg on their feet for weeks while standing in 100-mile per hour winds in temperatures as low as 180-degrees below zero. They will overcome starvation and undertake long treks back and forth to the ocean to feed. (In caparison, don’t you find it interesting that some partners will complain about going to store late at night to get an ingredient needed for the morning meal.) The natural instinct to demonstrate even this level of commitment is in each one of us, yet through the evolution of our culture we have somehow forgotten what we are truly capable of. Fear is another emotion that we allow to get in our way to powerfully engage in the deepest concept of commitment.
After several weeks the egg hatches and reveals a glorious reward for the devotion and dedication displayed by the parents. As a partner your reward might not be a newborn child or proudly watching your child graduate from college with the powerful attributes you gave them to ensure their success in life. Your offspring might be a successful business, achieving for a higher level of success in your career, writing a book, or maybe it’s purchasing your first home or your dream home. Your reward might be to achieve financial freedom by becoming debt-free. In any case, there is a glorious reward for the devotion and dedication you displayed.
This program is for those of you who want to fully commit to your partnership. The Conscious Partners coaching program is available to all types of partnerships whether married or romantic, business partnerships or executives and their assistants. Being on the same page of the same book while working toward the fulfillment of any goal is imperative to the success of any partnership no matter the composition.
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